What's on the menu?
Fresh Scottish langoustines served simply with a garlic mayonnaise; baby Spanish leg of lamb with garlic and rosemary, potatoes roasted in olive oil, and peppers stuffed with cherry tomatoes and garlic; finishing with a really rich, dark chocolate mousse.
What about an aperitif?
It could only be a good quality Champagne.
Where is the party?
On the terrace of our house in Spain, only four-and-a half miles from the sea but looking out down a glorious wooded valley with no other house in sight.
You would arrivee...?
...By plane from Heathrow in Club Class - comfort is vital with my bad back!
Who's at the stove?
My favourite chef in southern Spain, Ben Hayes, head chef at our favourite restaurant Terra Sana in Cancelada.
What wine would you match with the food?
An Albarino from Martin Codax, followed by my Chat Giscours 1970.
Is there any bread?
My wife's homemade brown bread - the finest around.
That'll do. Who are the lucky guests?
My wife, our four children, Robert and Jan Kilroy-Silk, Sir Winston Churchill, Sir Peter Ustinov, Alistair McGowan and Ronnie Ancona, Audrey Hepburn.
So, who's next to you?
Ronnie Ancona and Audrey Hepburn.
Ahhh, a brunette man. Is Moon River on the play list?
No. I'm going for South American harp music played by the harpist from Trio Los Paraguaos.
Flowers?
White lilies and roses from our garden.
And are you wearing your coronet?
Just polo shirt and chinos.
Shame. Let's get contentious - which critic would you ban at the door?
The list is endless: Michael Winner, Adrian Gill and the reviewer formerly known as Self.
Who's down to do the after-dinner slot?
Giles Brandreth.
Something to round the meal off with?
English breakfast tea - with honey in, for me. Followed by some Quinta da Noval 1960 vintage port.
You've forgotten the cheese...
Stilton from Colston Basset. Is there any other?
Richard, Earl of Bradford, is owner of Porters English Restaurant, London