Do I smoke? Well, I accept that it may appear that way. I buy cigarettes, I light them, I put them in my mouth and yes, I inhale. So that makes me a smoker, doesn't it?
Not necessarily. You see, I once read somewhere that in France, for insurance purposes, if you smoke fewer than five a day then you qualify as a non-smoker. On average, over a year, I reckon I'm within a cigarette paper of that mark.
So, if you take that measure (and I choose to), I'm a non-smoker - at least, when I'm in France. This explains why I always feel healthier over there.
However, on balance, the evidence is against me and I have come to accept that cigarettes are not, as I have often argued, "jam-packed with vitamins". They may well inhibit appetite and thus deter obesity, but only at greater risk of cancer and heart disease. And statistically they may appear to slow certain types of dementia but, as my doctor points out, this is only to be expected given that so many of us perish before senility can become an issue.
Having been crushed by the weight of opinion, where does this leave the smouldering debate on smoking in public places, and the possibility of a statutory ban? Well, it leaves me, increasingly, out in the rain with the interesting people. I'm not complaining about that: if someone decides to bar smoking in their restaurant, pub or hotel, that's fine, and in some circumstances where the space is confined it would actually make a place more attractive to me.
But it's about choice, isn't it? I don't understand why a Government so fixated on the free market in every other respect doesn't just let it sort this one out.
And it would, if it were not for staff and the question of where, and whether, they get to choose. For me, that has to be the defining issue, but we shouldn't make the leap to regulation without being absolutely clear about the scale of risk of passive smoking. Life's full of risks of varying enormities, and if we tried to extinguish them all, it would be a pretty dull and sterile world.
Personally, I still need to weigh this one up. I have a bit more thinking to do...
Got a light, anyone?