Let's get the venue sorted first.
It would have to be somewhere overlooking Lake Annecy in France.
Thought you'd be back in Kiwi-land. Guess that rules out sheep as a mode of transport...
I'll arrive on skis, thanks.
You'll need a vat of gluwein, then, to get started?
No - gin and tonic is fine.
Cool. Is the food on ice, too?
I'll ignore that. We're having roasted sweetbread, lobster, pigeon and a lot of sweet courses. And lots of creamy French cheese.
Who's at the stove?
Michel Bras, because his food encompasses clever cooking, balance and finesse and is full of flavour.
We were expecting Marc Veyrat as it's Annecy. Like to keep us guessing don't you? Matching glugs?
Australian white and French red.
Thought you might have NZ Sauv-Blanc somewhere... any NZ bread being served?
Possibly. We just need something plain to mop up the sauces.
Who's on the guest list?
My brother, Zak, and my sister, Bec, close friends Skiddy and Ben, and girlfriend, Marion, my mother, Raewyn, and father, Roger, and some ageing rockers like Robert Plant and David Gilmour.
Who's on either side of you?
Zak and Bec.
And who'll provide the background vibes?
Groove Armada to keep the peace and Led Zeppelin to disturb it.
Any alpine flowers on the table?
Don't think I'm capable of answering that...
Are you banning any critics from the party?
Only the ones that search for honest cooking but can't write honest articles.
What about some After-dinner entertainment?
Henry Kissinger to keep the old girl happy, and Eddie Izzard.
Something to round the evening off with?
Alcoholic beverages and lots of petits fours, all of which I would have to eat... and Champagne to finish on.
How about a dish to remember you by?
I'd rather be remembered for the consistency of my cooking than the odd cracking dish.
- Josh Emett is head chef at the Savoy Grill, London