So, at the last shout, where would we find you?
No 1 Polo Ground, Palermo, Buenos Aires.
This is, perhaps, asking the obvious, but how would you get there?
On a polo pony.
And what would be the Dress code?
Polo kit.
What else... and to get the chukka started?
Pimm's and Mojitos.
Better stay off horseback after those - safer at the dinner table, which will feature...
A starter by Marc Veyrat, a main by Pierre Koffmann and a dessert by Pierre Gagnaire.
So will they be cooking, then?
No, I think I'll fly in Michel Troisgros.
Who are the lucky 12 guests?
The team at the restaurant: my wife, Laura, Gear¢id Devaney, Aiden Burns, Dillon Creeney, Elwyn Boyles and Pierre Paillot. Also, the Heguy brothers, Natalie Hadley, Pierre Koffmann, my twin brother, Robert, and my mother, Tania.
And who will be next to you?
Laura, and Pierre Koffmann.
You're a wine buff, so what slurps would there be?
Condrieu Côteau de Vernon 2001, Georges Vernay; Domaine de l'Hortus Grande Cuvée 2001; and Liqueur de Châtaigne, JPMette.
Anything in the bread basket?
Rosemary and sea salt, bacon and onion, and semolina breads.
Vibes?
Elton John (played by the London Philharmonic Orchestra).
Hmmm. Flowers?
Peonies - they're beautiful and simple.
After-dinner wit supplied by?
AA Gill.
Any other end-of-evening entertainment?
A polo match.
Bit tricky for the equinely challenged. Perhaps you need to give them coffee first?
OK - but Yemeni mocha and English breakfast tea.
We forgot the cheese...
It'd have to be Roquefort.
Finally, a dish to remember you by?
Braised pig's head with pork belly and stuffed trotter.
Tom Aikens is chef-proprietor of restaurant Tom Aikens in Chelsea, London