What's the grub?
We'd start with Alain Solivares's warm foie gras pithivier, followed by a truly authentic biryani, then fresh raspberries, still-warm shortbread and my granny's baked custard.
Fine, but what about something to mop up the biryani with?
Freshly baked flat bread.
Something to get in the mood with?
Passion fruit sours, El Bulli-style.
Where's it happening?
Stone Town, Zanzibar, at the top of one of the fantastic old colonial houses overlooking the Indian Ocean.
OK, so does that mean you're planning a spectacular entrance?
I'd arrive by dhow, then be taken through the town in a sedan chair carried by the (hated) Nolan Sisters.
Who's doing time in the kitchen?
James McLean and Anton Manganaro - because they're two of my closest culinary allies and this is their best chance of getting into Caterer.
Slurps to go with the flavours?
We'd raid Marlon Abela's personal cellar.
Any flowers on the table?
T55 pastry flour and perhaps some wholemeal.
Who'd be sharing the feast with you?
My wife, MJ, and our children, Ellie and Richie, plus a few more family; and, to add a bit of diversity, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Paul Weller, Tony Benn, Queen Victoria, Alex Ferguson, Charles Darwin, Joe Strummer, Colonel Gaddafi and Ernest Shackleton.
Vibes?
A pre-dinner set by Otis Redding, and the Pogues over coffee.
What coffee would you have?
Espresso.
With what?
Hevin chocolates, macaroons from Paris, really old port.
After-dinner entertainment?
Bill Bailey. Then I may perform divine resurrection, depending on what things are like "upstairs" (though I must watch the amount I drink - I've heard it may lead to problems with one's resurrection).
- Paul Merrett is head chef at the Greenhouse, London