That's chicken flu, not chicken flew
The price of chicken has hit a 30-year high because of a shortage blamed on an outbreak of flu earlier this year. The epidemic wiped out poultry flocks in Europe. Silly chicks! Should have stayed in the coop and wrapped up warm.
In London, some wholesalers have reported the price of chicken doubling in just three months, while in Manchester the price has trebled.
For Sancerre, read "sans serve"
Hotelier John Jarvis recently shared a cautionary tale about the perils of over-indulging. It seems Sancerre is not to be taken lightly under the Algarve sun. A tipple the night before meant Jarvis lost his first game of tennis against David Michels, chief executive of Hilton Group, in 32 years - which explains why Tim Henman sticks to endorsing Robinson's cordial.
Not to be undone, Jarvis has vowed to have his revenge next year when he returns to Portugal.
A different kind of social climber
In aid of charity, nine adventurous West Midlands employees from the Rubery head office of contract caterer Compass Group are taking part in the Three Peaks Challenge.
The Compass team are committed to climbing the highest mountains in England (Scafell Pike in the Lake District), Scotland (Ben Nevis) and Wales (Mt Snowdon) - all in 24 hours - this weekend. The expedition will raise money for humanitarian charity Care International.
The team previously considered producing a calendar with pictures of themselves naked, but weren't sure their colleagues would pay for it. Rumours they'll be climbing in the buff could not be confirmed.
Who put a free condom on the breakfast bratwurst?
Hotels in Berlin offered free condoms and headache tablets to revellers at the Love Parade last weekend.
The manager of the A&O hotel chain, Oliver Winter, said: "When guests checked in, they were offered free condoms - and we also supplied free headache tablets to relieve their hangovers at breakfast."
Now, that's service.
Only 197 shopping days left until Christmas...
It's only July but we're already getting press releases talking about food for the festive season. UBF Foodsolutions' Knorr Chef Creations has come up with three alternatives to turkey, all in perfect time for Christmas - which we mustn't forget is only five-and-a-half months away.
Order now to avoid disappointment.
And for dessert, a crème caramel cummerbund
The Warwick division of contract caterer Eurest was celebrating last week after cooking up a red bow-tie award given by VT Plus Training.
The award recognises excellence in company standards and staff training. To celebrate the achievement, Eurest chef Jason Whitehouse made a tomato-based pizza in the shape of a bow tie.
Knot a bad result, then.