You must be talking out of your arm
A Scottish nightclub is about to become the first in Britain to offer its customers the chance to have a microchip implanted in their arm to save them carrying cash.

The "digital wallet," the size of a grain of rice, guarantees entry to the club and allows customers to buy drinks on account. Brad Stevens, owner of Bar Soba in Glasgow, said his customers had responded enthusiastically to the idea. The VeriChip is inserted by a medical professional and then scanned for its unique ID number as a customer enters the bar.

"There are a number of advantages - instant access, not having to carry money or credit cards, and letting bar staff know a customer's name and favourite drink," Stevens said. "By the time you walk through the door, your favourite drink is waiting for you."

Still, it'll loosen your catarrh a treat
Pubs and clubs are using a new weapon in the war on drugs - the household lubricant WD-40. Generally used to loosen rusty screws or stop doors creaking, it's now being sprayed on lavatory cistern tops to stop punters going into the toilets to snort a line of cocaine. The oil-based, colourless WD-40 dissolves cocaine, so when the user spreads it on a surface that has been sprayed, the drug turns into a mush and is unusable. And if it does get up the nostrils, it'll cause a nasty nose bleed.

A miracle, or is this man just a shoyster?
After the revelation of a grilled sandwich bearing an image of the Virgin Mary in Florida last year, a bar manager in Switzerland is ready to sell a Christ-like oyster shell. Matteo Brandi said he came across the shell while opening a batch of oysters. "When I tried to toss one of them away, it stuck to my hand. It wouldn't slip off my palm - like He was calling me," Brandi said.

Brandi is convinced the Picasso-like forms on the outside of the craggy oyster shell represent the face of Christ. The oyster, which had sat on the bar's stereo since 2002, is now being kept in a bank. Brandi said he'd seen the light after a Florida woman auctioned off a grilled cheese sandwich to an online casino in November for $28,000 (nearly £15,000).

"I shall try my luck over the internet," he added.