Right, let's sort out the important things first. What's the grub and who's cooking it?
I'd like seven high-profile chefs from around the world to each cook one of their signature dishes. So, Tetsuya Wakuda could do confit of ocean trout; Thomas Keller, a torchon of foie gras; Gordon Ramsay, his scallops with cauliflower and raisins; Alain Ducasse, pigeon with truffle sauce: Justin Quek (executive chef, La Petite Cuisine, Taipei), his ravioli of white truffle; Nam Ngyuen (executive chef at the Legian hotel, Bali), his Vietnamese beef broth; and, of course, Poh Poh How, my sous chef, could do a sweet sticky rice with pandan leaf.

That should fill a gap or two. Are you planning a Champagne reception to kick off with?
Naturally. A drop of 1990 Posset.

Any bread?
Scandinavian rye bread.

Where's the party?
On a sandy beach in the Perhentian Islands, Malaysia.

Forgot to ask - what glugs are you planning to match the food with?
I think we'll have a different Champagne with every course.

Who's "we"?
The Dalai Lama, Abi Titmuss, my girlfriend Nina, my mum, Fidel Castro, George Bush, Jim Carrey, Arnold Schwarzenegger and a few other close friends and relatives.

Who's next to you?
I'd have to sit between Abi and my girlfriend.

You might need a bit of mood music to smooth over any misunderstandings, then?
Yeah, something relaxing and tranquilé like Café del Mar - sunset Ibiza-style - played by Daft Punk!

OK, we get the drift. How about some table flowers?
White lilies.

What are you wearing?
Whites.

That's seriously sad. Redeem yourself by telling us your after-dinner speaker...
The Queen of Denmark.

Not what we expected. How about coffee?
Double espresso or camomile tea with Haribo Gummy Bears straight from the freezer.

Not sure about the bears. So, go on, leave us a dish to remember you by.
Slow-cooked lobster, pickled daikon, natural jus.

- Tom Thomsen is executive chef at Mju, London