What's the grub then?
My mum's roast pork and apple sauce followed by gramma pie and ice-cream. Plus some Milawa cheese from Victoria, Australia.
How about something to get the night off to a good start?
Single malt whisky - well aged.
Where would we find you?
Back home, on a mountain top in the Hunter Valley region of New South Wales at sunset.
A mountain top deserves a spectacular entrance - how would you arrive?
Hot-air balloon.
So, who's rustling up the meal on the mountainside, then?
My mum, obviously.
As you're in the Hunter Valley, don't suppose wine will be a problem?
No, but I think I'll go for 1990 Penfolds Grange Hermitage followed by a Fiente Dolce.
Is there anything in the bread basket?
No, because it would prevent me from eating more pork and mum's pastry around the pie.
Apart from you and your mum, who's going to be making up the dirty dozen?
First and foremost my wife, Jennifer, and daughters, Kaitlin and Laura; Mum and Dad; my current business partner Ray de Fazio and his wife, Susan; Al Capone (there is a gangster inside all of us); Winston Churchill (he would bring the cigars); the Pope (he would be the sky pilot and say the goodbyes); and my three sisters, Cheryn, Tracey and Lee-anne.
That's a baker's dozen, but we can bend the rules a bit. Who's next to you, by the way?
My dad ('cause he loves a drink).
How about some vibes?
Anything by Sting and the Police.
And are there any flowers on the table?
Gladioli - because Dame Edna made them so Australian.
What's the dress code?
A Wallabies rugby shirt.
Who's raising the laughs after dinner, then?
Billy Connolly or Dave Allen - very hard to choose. Can I have two?
Any other after-dinner entertainment?
Loads of drinking is entertaining.
How about coffee and petits fours?
Macchiato with a drop of Cointreau. Petits fours - what are they? Just give me a chocolate chip cookie.
Scott Webster is chef-patron of Osia in London's Haymarket