Let's get the venue out of the way first, it is...
A deserted beach.
And how will you arrive?
On my Harley.
Hope your guests are bikers. By the way, who are they?
My wife, Judy, and our teenage boys, Ollie and Will; Naomi Campbell; Keira Knightley; Lauren Bacall; Che Guevara; Bill Clinton (he and Che would have an interesting debate); Eric Clapton (not near Naomi, though); Elvis Presley; Jimi Hendrix; and Pablo Picasso (we'd better keep him away from the ladies, too).
What's the glug to get the bash going?
A Mojito made with three-year-old Havana Club by our first great barman at Hotel du Vin, Denis Frucot.
More importantly, what's the grub?
Roger Vergé's warm foie gras and wafer-thin apple tart, a bacon sandwich made with old-fashioned organic bacon and fresh white bread, and my grandmother's baked rice pudding. Plus some Stilton and Vacherin in perfect condition to finish.
No salad for the girls? So who's cooking?
Roger Vergé, Judy and my grandmother.
An intriguing brigade. How about vino?
I would ask my partner Gerard Basset to choose, but steer him in the direction of a great Burgundy from Henri Jayer with the bacon sarnie.
You've sneaked in 14 guests so far (clever) - who's next to you?
I would change places every half-hour, unless Naomi asked me to stay longer, of course.
Naturally. Vibes?
Blues and rock played by Eric, Elvis and Jimi plus a few other musicians.
Any table flowers?
I'd leave that to Judy - I don't know a daffodil from a tulip.
And beach dress code?
Yeah - shorts and a T-shirt.
Are you letting the critics in?
They'd probably all enjoy the food, but with a 12-guest limit they would all be banned.
The after-dinner entertainment is?
Peter Cook and Dudley Moore to lighten the mood.
Anything else?
Now that would be telling.
Shame. Tell us, instead, what the coffee is.
No coffee - I'd just have another glass of Burgundy, with pre-embargo Cuban cigars and vintage port chosen by my friend James Suckling, from the Wine Spectator, who knows more about port than anyone else I know.
- Robin Hutson is chairman and managing director of Hotel du Vin