So, Ray, what's for supper?
Scottish scallops followed by my gorgeous Mum's beef stew and dumplings. No sweet after Mum's stew (no room) - at a push, fresh English raspberries. For cheese, how about Stinking Bishop?
What about a cocktail to kick off with?
A Long Slow Comfortable Screw (no idea what it tastes like, but it sounds good).
Where would we find you?
On an uninhabited island - like Neckar.
Who's in the kitchen?
Martin Blunos (I love his grub, but he'd have to shave the old tash off and sport a skinhead for this Last Supper!).
And wine?
Anything Montrachet over £100.
What about bread?
Simple-but-good white and granary.
Which 12 people would you invite?
My wife, Karen, children, Kai and Leila, our Mums, Ray Shortland, Joy Adams, Steve Midgley, the rich girl in the new Porsche ad (Steve's fantasy), and whichever of our close friends bought the nicest gifts...
Background music or final rave?
I'd have the Clash, but with Joe Strummer in the line-up, or Souxsie and the Banshees if Joe couldn't be raised...
Which flowers would adorn the table?
Those tacky plastic ones in pots that react to noise.
What's the dress code?
Leather anything (even leather whites).
Which critic would you ban at the door?
Jimmy Hill - he talks a load of tosh.
Who would be your after-dinner speaker?
David Bowie or Kathy Burke.
What about after the meal?
Simple Sicilian regular coffee with Picnic bars cut into petits fours.
Which dish would you like to be remembered for?
Warm mullet niçoise.