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Table talk

Ben Walker
Wednesday 28 May 2003 15:38
Customers always seem to lick their plates clean

Sydney's Japanese restaurateurs have raised the ire of the city health department by using naked waitresses as plates. At restaurants such as Tokyo House and the Governor's Pleasure, guests can enjoy traditional dishes of sushi and sashimi served on female erogenous zones.

The health department claims the practice is a direct breach of national food safety laws, saying: "Clause 15 clearly states that food handlers must take all practical measures to ensure their body does not contaminate food, and must prevent unnecessary physical contact with ready-to-eat dishes." Well, quite.


Railway staff make a splash for charity

Catering business manager Darren Fennah must have been the most popular person in the railway industry when he invited passengers and staff to throw wet sponges at senior rail managers. Station announcements at Norwich encouraged the public and staff of Anglia Railways to throw sponges to raise money for deprived children who sleep rough in railway stations throughout the world. "I entered into the spirit of things myself by being sponsored to have a full leg wax," said Fennah bizarrely. The catering team also took part in a fancy dress trolley dash, collecting money for the cause as they passed down the train.


Excuse me, son, but are you old enough to vote?

Singer Michael Jackson, wearing a Spiderman mask, burst into the office of his local Congressman to complain about the lack of fast-food restaurants near his Neverland ranch. The star wore the superhero's disguise when he made an unannounced visit to US Representative Elton Gallegly in Solvang, California. He asked the politician's deputy: "How come Solvang doesn't have any fast-food restaurants?"

After Jackson was told that the town's only fast-food outlet was a Subway sandwich bar, the disappointed singer said he loved food from the Taco Bell chain. He then pulled off his disguise, apologised for disturbing the office, and signed a few autographs. Getting into a black Bentley, he burned off to a Taco Bell in a nearby town.


It'll be the old 'wrong kind of ferret' excuse next

A hungry ferret caused panic on a train by racing around carriages and eating the driver's lunch. Frightened passengers screamed as the stray creature clambered over their laps after jumping on board at Leicester station. The feral animal ran at top speed around the Nottingham-bound Midland Mainline service, avoiding the buffet car, before diving into the driver's lunch box.

"The passengers were all scared stiff that the ferret was going to bite them," said a Midland Mainline spokesman. "We've recently introduced a clampdown on fare dodging. Now we're thinking of a new policy on ferret-dodging."


A shock welcome for new hotel owner

Franck Choblet, owner of Overton Grange hotel in Ludlow, Shropshire, couldn't believe it when he received his first electricity bill for the 14-bedroom property. Supplier British Gas charged the Frenchman, who bought the hotel 11 months ago, £28,000 - four times what he'd been expecting.

"We've carried out refurbishment works since taking over but there's no way we've used so much power," he said. "We were extravagant in that we did have three sets of Christmas lights, but even so."

Choblet is refusing to pay because he claims that British Gas won't itemise the bill.

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