"Arbutus is synonymous with cheap cuts and under used items. We're a modern bistrot," says Demetre and starts laying down the beat of flying cleaver on rabbit torso.
Burning a haunting lead vocal, Smith waxes on a few wines. "Maybe I'd choose Pinot Noir with such a classic rabbit dish." Such sumptuous melodies.
The cameraman's panned in on the cleavered rabbits head in a pot- a little eyeball's poking out.
It's still on screen.
And still.
It's actually looking a bit weird now.
Gone.
The heavy cleaver beats are done now and the dainty notes of knife on rabbit ribcage are gambolling from the masterclass table.
We've got a spread-eagled and boned rabbit torso now. Some backing vocals over the noise of something frying. "You need the right knife for the right job," freestyles Demetre. Amen to that.
The glockenspiel noise of pepper seasoning and suddenly there's offal lining middle of the rabbit. Where did that come from? Just as you think the day's running out of surprises. A soupcon of tarragon in there and we're rolling and slapping in pigs caul - a sort of lardy, veiny, edible cling-film.
For some reason it smells like a Christmas Day kitchen in here. Why? That's culinary jazz for you. Probably the remainder of the rabbit being fried off with vegetables. The eyeball's glazed over in the heat.
The wrapped rabbit's tied up and that can in the fridge for a few days, chimes Demetre. But wait, no; he's frying it off gently. Lovely stuff.
The energy of those first few verses is calming down and we've got a nice steady rhythm now. "So we came up the idea of a carafe - businessmen can have a glass of lovely line each or people can share one just for lunch. It's made it very easy to sell nice wine," says Smith.
The little pot of the bunny's limbs and bones is bubbling away still, the smooth flow of stock going in. That's the rabbit doing nicely.
And it's a switch of rhythm - squid and mackerel burger's up. Demetre's talking us through the recipe, Smith's percussioning a few wines. The tempo's lifted again. Satchmo!
Squid burgers are up for frying. "We're constantly on the phone to the markets, writing down prices, that's the beauty of having a daily changing menu:" Demetre.
The rabbit's still bubbling away in the background. Layers of culinary jazz: that's what we have here. Now it's resting. "Let the juices flow through it." Indeed.
"It's quite a light, pale, berry fruits wine here. Dry and light with a bit of body and structure to it. A very nice Rosé:" Smith
"It's a German one now. We don't have a sommelier in the restaurant. The waiters have to learn about it to help tables. A lovely dry Riesling. Little touch of residual sugar:" Smith again.
Razor clams; the percussion's really kicking in. "The larger ones need a bit more kicking." Or did he say cooking? The sound isn't great over here in the press box but the mood is electric.
"Look forward to the first of the cepes, the first of the morels. It makes you a better chef. Being seasonal isn't a chore. It's fun. To me that's cooking:" Demetre.
"The whole ethos of Arbutus is being able to rock up and grab a cheap meal and a glass of wine:" Demetre's taking the mike now.
Boom! The squid's plated up! The rabbit's being unwrapped. We're about to crescendo I feel. Sauteed cherry tomatoes are being seasoned. Rabbit's being sliced. Tomatoes are on the plate. There's wild garlic leaves now. Where on earth did they come from? A dribble of sauce from the stock pot and it's done. The crowd go wild!
I feel exhausted. All that's left is to pick myself up from the floor and try the free wine Smith is handing out. What consummate showmen.
